Wednesday, December 2, 2015


Today I feel as though anxiety will never loosen its grip on me. My breathing is shallow, my mind and body are constantly on alert and I have an overall feeling of dread. I hate this. Relationships and circumstances get turned on their heads and I turn within. But I don't go into a soothing world within myself, I go straight to a place devoid of light, hope and security. I hang on tightly to my little boat. Afraid of the water, knowing that I cannot swim. I choke and drown on my own fear when in reality I am safe. I wish I weren't alone right now, I wish I knew how to self-soothe. At the moment, whatever advice I give to my students is lost on me. The shore is close enough to touch and yet I am blind, deaf, and numb. I must find the light in the darkness.

1 comment:

  1. hey Jamie......some of the most profound places we go is into the the can be a powerful place a place of our testimony if you will........and the lessons the darkness teaches us can only be found the darkest places of our lives.....this is my testimony....I went through a 7 year true dark night of the soul......there were many times I wanted to just quit....I had no inclination to go was indeed a dark and lonely place for it is a place we go alone........I had no clue as to what I could do to fix it to make it stop to turn it around........but....there is a light....and it will show the very darkest the very loneliest and coldest place.....when I came to the place of no more, a place of being totally and absolutely undone.....I was at the end of myself and it was there the light showed up in a powerful way....for when I had come to the end of myself I was at a place of total surrender.....the absoluteness of it was will know when you come to this place....until the there with it and trust that there is a solution and the there is an end to this kind of darkness.........Source, G-d, however you wish to express this divine being.......what you will come to know is that through out the process, this divine love is always in that and that only and surrender will come.......a wise ascended master once said....."if you want to follow me, you want to be like must first lose yourself".......I know you Jamie and consider you one of my teachers and some one who G-d spoke to me are an know this and you know the trust.......all you need to heal resides in that divine spark within.......