Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Accomplishment: I Took a Shower!

I'm a yoga teacher who teaches almost every day, yet hasn't taken a class at a studio in three months. But that's all changing today. I found a dear friend to go with me to a class and after that I may have the confidence to make it to a second class today.

Last night I went to bed around 7:00 pm, I know that's ridiculously early. I was depressed and down about not doing the things that I want to do. Frequently with depression, people lose interest in what at one time brought them pleasure. With this round of depression, I've still had the desire to do the things I love, which is a good sign, however, I haven't been able to get myself moving. Some times with depression, you want to do things, but feel almost paralyzed to act.

I woke up a little after six this morning, I knew it would take me at least four hours to get in the shower and get moving. When I got in the shower, I felt that I had made a huge accomplishment. I'm showered, dressed, and now waiting to leave for class. I'm proud of what I've done this morning. Taking a shower and getting dressed may not seem like a big deal to many people, but to people struggling through a depressive episode, it's huge.

Once I step foot in the studio my day will be a success. And I believe that doing this one small thing, attending a yoga class, can help turn my life around. Maybe tonight I will manage to stay up until eight or nine.

For the past couple of months my heart has been longing to go to group meditations at the center that I started going to when I was a teenager. There's always some reason why I won't let myself go. Not this week. I'm going tomorrow night and then I will celebrate my second victory of the week.

It's Chanukah, one of my favorite times of the year, a time to celebrate victory. What a perfect time for me to conquer (manage) some of my fears and self-imposed obstacles and arise anew with a heart filled with joy and compassion. I wish for us all to embrace our darkness and find the light within, particularly to those people who are courageous enough to stay alive and live side by side with this illness yet another day. We are victorious. 

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