Monday, December 7, 2015

A Few of My Wishes

I can't get myself moving. There are so many things that I really want to do, but I don't or won't.
Here's my short list:
1) Start practicing yoga at a local Iyengar studio
2) Attend a New Year's meditation program at the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center
3) Take the yoga teacher training in Ashville, NC, that I put a deposit down for a few months ago.

Each item on my small list means a great deal to me and with each one I am scared of not having enough money to pursue my desire. Last week I lost a chunk of income that affects everything that I want to do and the things that I need to do.

Last week was a bad week, I felt metaphorically knocked off my feet and flat on my back by some things that happened in my relationships and work. I start this week not so much on my back, but on my side and I still cannot get up. I am grieving losing students that were dear to me and broken commitments. I'm particularly sensitive, so I feel quite deeply especially losses.

I really need a partner to come with me every day or at least once to get me practicing yoga again. I need to know that when the time comes I will have $100 for the meditation program. And I need to know that I didn't throw away a deposit for a teacher training that I won't be able to attend.

Mainly I need to know that I am safe and loved in the world and that my life is built on stability, groundedness, gratitude and abundant grace.

Maybe my list doesn't look that important, but it is important to me. Last year at this time, I was experiencing debilitating depression, I was sick for six months and wasn't sure if I would ever teach yoga again. I got better and life changed. I worked again, I laughed again.

I am immensely grateful for everything that I have right now. It is all as it should be.

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