Thursday, November 19, 2015

Living in Safety

I'm grateful for all the good in my life. Grateful to look out our picture windows to see the sun streaming through the trees bare branches. I see so many little blessings in my life, I almost never feel that I am a victim of my bipolar disorder. However, the past several years I have lived with a terrible worry that one day I would live on the streets. This thought has plagued my every day for too long now, robbing me of fully experiencing the gratitude that comes with living one's life in the present condition of relative freedom.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mind did a reading for me and I was able to ask my nagging question, "Will I one day be without a home." It's been several years since I've had a card reading. In the past I wanted to know if I was loved by someone or if a relationship would blossom. Once I was married, presumably secure in a relationship, those questions fell away, and I no longer craved the knowledge of what the future may hold. But, I did have a burning question: Would I receive a writing fellowship that I had applied for. I desperately wanted the fellowship and when I want something I want it now. I wanted to know that I was getting the fellowship. What I didn't expect was that the reading would lead to answers pertaining to my distant or possibly not so distant future, that were far weightier than a writing fellowship.

My friend shared that I would reach success by following the path of teaching yoga. The question of the fellowship hung somewhat unanswered. A week later my friend and I met again for coffee, she shared a bit more with me and gave me another reading. At that point, I no longer cared if I was awarded the writing fellowship, I made the decision that whether or not it was offered, I would, instead, pursue the path of furthering my yoga training. During the second reading I was able to share my deep-seated fear that one day I would be out on the streets, unable to support myself and without my husband, who is ten years older than I.

That second reading soothed my burning mind. It was the first time that someone had told me that they didn't see homelessness as ever having been an option for me. She saw abundance and success, not a life of poverty and lack. I will be forever grateful for being led to this special soul who gave me the reading and for her soothing words; words that came not from a need to comfort me, but as simple truths. I am loved, I am strong, and one day, if need be, I will be able to support myself. Thank you, Erika, thank you.

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