Monday, June 29, 2015

A Day to Myself

I have the whole day to myself which sounds pretty good, but I'm at a loss, I don't know how to be alone right now. It would be great to have a good book to get lost in, I don't have one. It would be great if I could write a book, but I don't have a story inside me.

I've been cutting back on my teaching schedule, so I will have even more free time until I find jobs that don't exhaust and wear me down. I  constantly question myself while I'm teaching and that in itself can be pretty tiring. I've been so tired that many times I've had to crawl up the stairs at home. I have to think about myself and my needs before I say yes to things. I have been teaching at a beautiful studio that is an hour away from my house. I love the studio and the students, but the drive is wearing me down. I used to be the girl that said no to everything and now I say yes. But my yes's need to be tempered with common sense.

If only I could find that story within myself, I would love nothing more than to share it with you and to get lost in its beauty. I would write to you about the make believe boyfriend that I had for three years. At eighteen I finally gave him up, I got a real boyfriend, and I started to realize that it was a little out there to have an imaginary life at my age.

I'm pretty empty and writing always has a way of filling my emptiness. I wish I could bring you with me into my inner world. We would drink tea and eat fattening pastries before going to the movies, where we would spend hours.

Tomorrow I go back to work and all will be normal again, but for now I'll enter fantasy and hang out there for the day, hoping that you will meet me there.

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