Monday, February 23, 2015

Writing an E-Book

I'm trying to write an e-book about what I've learned since being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I don't really know what I'm doing. It's a similar feeling as when I try to write fiction. I feel frustrated and completely lacking confidence. Writing a booklet about bipolar is important to  me, which increases the pressure and the sense of self-doubt.

Yesterday I figured that I would sit down and flesh out all of my points for the booklet. I was determined to do them all. I wanted more than an outline, I wanted to put this thing to bed. Why am I so eager to get it done? I need the sense of accomplishment; I need to believe that I can do something new and I want to get away from the uneasy feeling of being out of my comfort zone. I've pigeonholed myself into writing articles that reflect my life experiences. The e-book is about my experiences, only I have them numbered. In the past when I've reached this point, I've given up and scrapped the project I was working on. It's not that this is more important to me than the things I've let go of, but now I want to work through my fears and learn how to do something different. More importantly, I want it to be okay for me to be in foreign waters and to learn to swim. I don't have to give up the project, I just need to learn how to tackle and complete the project.

Writing is not the only thing that I beat myself up about and give up on. I give up on myself and my ability to learn new things. I'm not a patient person. Once I start something, if I don't quit I want it done immediately. So, I'm going to learn to hang in there and stop looking for instant results, and maybe find that through the process I have dived deeper into myself, and that makes the pain of the process worth it.

I'll keep you all abreast of what happens with the e-book. Hopefully, it won't take long, but if it does that's okay,too.

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