Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Best Breasts on the Psych Ward

Life is insane in a psychiatric ward, naturally, and if you can open yourself to it, it can be hilariously funny. I don't think that I've ever laughed as much in my life as I did when I was in the hospital. I would laugh so hard, I would beat the cafeteria table with my fist, practically spewing my grape juice out of my mouth onto the person across from me.

One day at lunch, a fellow patient told us that she had breast implants and liposuction. Then she invited the women at our table to feel her breasts, to see how real they felt. There was a small line of women with groping hands waiting to feel our beautiful and diminutive fellow patient's large fake breasts. I have to admit that I had been wondering about them since my arrival. She seemed awfully petite to have such large perky breasts.

There were cameras throughout the building, except in the bathrooms and our personal rooms. So, when it was my turn to feel her up, I felt more than a little worried. Also, there were two mental health workers in the room with us. At that point in my stay I had already stirred up enough trouble, and I had worked hard to be a good girl who was helpful to staff and fellow patients. I didn't want to be caught or filmed feeling someone up. Instead I tentatively poked one of them with the index finger of my right hand. I've never felt any breasts other than my own, so I can't say I learned a lot from the experience, only that hers are firmer than mine; not big news.

We were laughing hysterically the whole time. It was one of those priceless moments that you usually don't get in the "real" world. Oh sure, women with implants invite people to feel their breasts out there in the world. But this was the psych ward; we needed some relief from our misery and we got it.

I had my chance, but I still don't fully know what an implant feels like. What I do know, is that I had a hell of a lot of fun during those few minutes in the psych ward. And that is priceless.

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