Sunday, February 8, 2015

Introvert or Extrovert

Can a person change from an introvert to an extrovert? I've known the difference since learning about introversion and extroversion when I was in graduate school, and yet now that my personality is changing I'm lost as to the differences.

I've always been a person that needs a large dose of alone time. My grandmother even said that I was a loner when I was a teenager. I'm not a party goer and I don't enjoy being around a lot of people. I would prefer to sit quietly in a corner and be ignored, or so it used to be. Since the summer, since my first manic episode I've found that I literally cannot tolerate being alone with myself. I want to be with people or out doing something every moment of the day. Even if I had a daily lunch scheduled with friends, it wouldn't be enough. When I come back home I fall back into a deep depression, a depression that could be quickly solved simply by leaving the house again. Is this extroversion, or am I trying to fill an emptiness that resides in my gut?

Last night I took a Psychology Today test to find out where I fall out on the introversion/extroversion scale, and I came out in the middle. In the past, when I've taken these kinds of tests, I've always shown up as a complete introvert.

Since my illness this past summer and fall, I've found that I'm more grounded than ever and that my true self seems to be showing up more and more. Was the shyness and introversion not an expression of my authentic self? Is this woman who craves human contact and connection the real Jamie? It's a difficult question to answer and it will be interesting to watch as the answer unfolds.

As painful as it is for me not to feel connected at times, I kind of like this new me and want to continue exploring her. I guess you and I will see what happens as we travel this journey together.

No comments:

Post a Comment